


Im Sorry

by Kaz_b



Category: The Boys (TV 2019)
Genre: all violence off screen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:13:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28983918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaz_b/pseuds/Kaz_b
Summary: Kevin stares at his badly shaved head in the mirror and contemplates how he got there and about what he did to Annie
Kudos: 9





	Im Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> All violence is off screen and is only discussed.

Kevin stood staring into the mirror, looking at the patches on his badly shaven head. His brown hair lay scattered around him and he wondered how he got here. He was The Deep. One of the Seven. Or at least he had been. He wondered when he had allowed Vought to turn him into what he was today. He was the lowest of the Seven and he was just starting to realise it. He was just around for his pretty dives and his social media presence. The diversity hire. He couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He was only now realising he had been doing it for a long time. He did love the fame and the glamour and the money. And he loved the adoration from his fans and being recognised in the streets. But things had changed. 

Once upon a time Kevin hadn’t had those things. Once upon a time he had been a real hero and for the first time in a long time he thought about where he came from. He had been born in a poor area where his parents had worked hard to provide for him and his sister and he had been happy. It was where the sea had provided him with comfort when he needed it. It had called to him when his gills had first appeared as his body changed. 

He wondered if his mum was proud of him. She had been once. He hadn’t spoken to her, or his baby sister, in many, many years. Not since before his dad died. It had been him that stopped accepting their calls on the advice of Vought. They didn’t want his image tarnished by the area he was from. Eventually they had given up. After one to many rejections the calls and letters had stopped.

For the first time Kevin wondered if he had made the right choice when he chose the lifestyle. 

Now here he was- stuck in Sandusky, Ohio. He was lonely and humiliated and no matter how much he hated to admit it, scared. His single attempt to save  
A life here had ended in disaster with a knife through the poor lobsters head.

He knew who he had blamed for his current situation after the press conference. But that had changed. He hadn’t realised what he had done to her. Annie. He hadn’t cared. But ever since that woman… He didn’t even know her name but he could remember the sensation of her fingers being shoved inside his gills. The pain as he struggled to breathe even as he told her to stop. When for the first time he had said no to someone he had taken to his bed and she ignored him. In fact she had just pushed her hands in further forcing him to lie still so he could breath. He shuddered at the memory as he tried to shove it away. 

He hadn’t looked at his own body since that night, not wanting to see his gills. It was the part of his body that made him a freak. That made him weak. An ordinary woman had done that to him and he didn’t even know her name. She had made him feel vulnerable and helpless. Powerless. Unable to even breathe. He had been unable to do anything but wait for it to be over. And he had been scared. Scared of the damage she could have done. As it was, his sides were still red and swollen. The skin was puffy and the delicate membranes bruised. Despite the possibility of infection he couldn’t bring himself to get checked out. Besides, who could he even go to? A doctor? A vet? Maybe he had deserved it. Maybe it was his fault.

A single tear slid down his face. Had his actions made Annie feel that way too? Made her feel powerless? Trapped? Vulnerable?

Kevin brushed the remaining strands off his head and body ignoring the cuts he had left on his scalp and for the first time since starting with Vought he pulled on the only hoody and pair of sweats that he still owned. They weren’t attractive. They were old and scruffy and baggy and only a few days ago this would have mattered to him. But he didn’t care now. Today his image didn't matter. All he cared about was that the heavy material of the loose sweatshirt made his vulnerable gills feel more protected than his custom made suit ever had. He wrapped his arms around himself for a moment as he absorbed the warmth.

Kevin reached for his phone and was saddened to realize he didn’t have any contacts outside of Vought. Not one person had called him to check on him. How had he not noticed that until now? Loneliness rolled over him like the waves of the ocean. Right now he just wanted to hear a friendly voice. Not the fake ones he was used to hearing. The ones that he was only now starting to realize didn’t really care about him. That only told him what he wanted to hear. Right now he wanted somebody to tell him he’d be okay and to mean it. He thought of Annie again. His on screen apology had been a publicity stunt and he was sure she knew it. Something he did to keep Vought and the media happy. He hadn’t meant it. Not really. Not until now. Now things were different.

Then he remembered. Vought had given him her number. He flicked through his messages until he found it. Under Starlight. He hadn’t even thought of her as a real person. He hadn’t cared that he had destroyed her dream. 

He stared at it for a moment deciding what to do. He knew he was scared to talk to her. He was ashamed of what he had done to her and of what he had allowed to happen to him. She deserved to know. 

He dialed the number while his gills fluttered and ached. The pain in his body matched the pain in his mind. He wasn’t even sure if she would pick up. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted her too or what he would say to her if she did. He knew he sure as hell wouldn’t answer if that woman called him. He really hoped he hadn’t given her his number.

Back in New York Annie didn’t answer her phone when it rang. She was meeting Hughie and was in a hurry. She was trying to remain upbeat but the truth of the Seven had disillusioned her. She had once heard someone say you should never meet your hero’s. Now she knew why. She was fighting to stay true to herself and her morals but she wasn’t sure she could succeed. She thought maybe Hughie could help her with that. 

It was only the next day that she noticed the voicemail. The small symbol flashed on her phone.

When she saw who it was from she nearly deleted it there and then. Why would Kevin (he was no longer The Deep in her mind- he had lost that right) be calling her? Maybe to gloat. She hadn’t even known he had her number. She damn well hadn’t given it to him no matter what Vought said. She glared at her phone as the symbol continued to flash. Annie hadn’t seen him since his mockery of a public apology on TV. She could tell it had been something he had been forced to do. He had sounded genuine to the public, he had faked it well. But she could see the truth in his eyes. He didn’t believe a word of what he was saying. But for some reason Annie kept listening. She barely recognised the voice she heard through the tiny speakers on her phone. All the cocky arrogance was gone and in its place was uncertainty. And possibly fear. Fear of what she had no idea.

“Eh, Hi Annie. It’s De.. No. Kevin. It’s Kevin here. I just… I mean I wanted to... ” there was a long pause and Annie checked to make sure the phone hadn’t disconnected before he started speaking again. “Look, I know you don’t have to listen to me and I’m probably the last person you want to hear from but… I just wanted you to know that… Well… I’m sorry for what I did to you. I didn’t get it before but now… Well… It’s just that…” His voice seemed to tremble as he stammered; nothing like his usual confidence that always charmed a crowd. “I just wanted to say” he seemed to take a deep breath.

“I really am… Sorry.”

And the message ended.


End file.
